Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
