My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
