My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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