I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize