Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
