Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
