I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
