I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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