I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
