Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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