You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
