you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
