dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
