I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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