If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
