Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
