I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
