Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He passed out mid-signature
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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