I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
