I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Don't make out with my wife yet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
