also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
