I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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