I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
