Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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