we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
