I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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