No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
