I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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