i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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