I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
