Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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