Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
