I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
