Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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