careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
