if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
