too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
