So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
