Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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