who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
