dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
