I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
