I have demons in me.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
