Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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