And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
