I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
