Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
