Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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