and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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