I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
