is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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