I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
