The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
