there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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