I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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