god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
