Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
its not stalking. its research.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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