how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
