I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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