Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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