You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
