He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
