whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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