You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
