Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
