I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
