We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
