Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
