kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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