I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
