I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
