Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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