i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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