First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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