Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
