my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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