Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
