my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize