Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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