so that wasnt chicken after all
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
