So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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