I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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