i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
