i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
