Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
