it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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