i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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