Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
