i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
