Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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