I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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