I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
