you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
