Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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