When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
