You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
